made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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