I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize