billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
my liver is dry heaving
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
