Farmville is her only friend.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
