Nicole vs. Life
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
