Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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