mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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