Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
