There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
