As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
