he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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