remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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