O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
