All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
