sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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