I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
