You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
