Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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