guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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