watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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