I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
