I met the friendliest cop last night
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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