Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
