You work out of a Hotel?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
