I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
