So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
