Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize