youre lurking in front of me
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
FUCK WHALES
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