i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
