I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Randomize
