I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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