can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Let's paint friendship bongs
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
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