God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
