awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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