How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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