I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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