Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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