Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
