Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
