k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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