He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I am one with the molecules
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
