Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
