I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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