No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
