I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize