we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
