So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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