She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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