you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just invented taco cereal.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
