I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
