It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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