Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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