Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
