I must be too annoying 4 u.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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