I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
