evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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