You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
