I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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