Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
