And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
