A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
