My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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