The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
