ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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