I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
A+ Viking dick
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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