Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
