there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
