I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
