He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
