You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize