I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize